By Tim Jack Adams
If people don’t feel like they have a purpose, they tend to drift. I believe that our primary purpose needs to be to look after ourselves. This is selfless because we can’t give from an empty cup. If you commit to recharging your battery every day, you will always be on purpose.
Having run wellbeing workshops all over the world, I know that the culture, country, psychographic or demographic I’m presenting to doesn’t matter. Wherever I am, less than half of my audience would say they have a strong purpose —that is, a distinct purpose that they wake up with every morning, knowing what they want to do with their life and, most importantly, why.
What I’ve seen through coaching is that if people don’t feel like they have a purpose, they tend to drift. If they don’t have a strong enough why, they don’t have the motivation to prioritise their own wellbeing. Typically, most of us think about purpose as outward-looking, with a focus on helping others, which is a good thing. However, I believe that our primary purpose needs to be to look after ourselves. This is selfless —rather than selfish —because we can’t give from an empty cup. You can’t be the best version of yourself with an empty battery —and you surely don’t want to be the one to end up needing help because you pushed yourself to breaking point.
If you commit to recharging your battery every day, then no matter what you’re doing, no matter what path you’re on, you will always be on purpose. As you recharge, you become the best version of yourself and start to thrive sustainably. This, in turn, inspires and encourages others, and has a positive impact on all your relationships. Once you are thriving sustainably, you will have the energy to uncover your strengths, passions and beliefs, and how you can use these to help others. You can then combine them to formulate a more defined purpose. My personal purpose is ‘to inspire others to reconnect to self and others through nature’.
I do this through many pathways, whether it’s speaking, coaching, consulting or just being there for someone. Rather than asking yourself, ‘What can I do?’, consider first asking yourself, ‘What kind of person do I want to be? What qualities, values, strengths and passions do I appreciate in myself and others?’ When you can find the things that are important to you —and not just what others expect of you —you can contribute to making those things happen. You become part of a greater community and feel you are contributing to something outside of yourself. This helps you feel connected and valued, and improves your self-worth. To help find your purpose, ask yourself these important life questions:
- Why do I want to be the best version of myself?
- What or who am I really doing it for?
- What kind of person do I want to be?
Prioritising yourself —and then others
When we talk about wellbeing and wellness, we are talking about two different things. Wellbeing means ‘to be in a comfortable state —mentally, emotionally, physically and
spiritually’. Wellness means ‘to make the deliberate effort to nurture your wellbeing’.
You really do have to prioritise yourself first to make sure you can continue to thrive sustainably and give the best version of yourself to others. I’m sure you are aware of the two versions of yourself —the one where you are full of energy and life, nothing seems to bother you and everyone enjoys being around you, and the one where you feel like you are just surviving and everything seems to get on your nerves. This version of you gets frustrated easily, and even the simplest roadblocks feel like you’re trying to move heaven and earth —and that’s just trying to open the strawberry jam jar!
Being kind to yourself isn’t just a nicety; it’s your birthright and, if you’re not already, you need to get good at it. If you don’t have enough self-worth or self-love, you won’t have the motivation to make that deliberate effort to want to look after yourself. Next time you’re looking in the bathroom mirror, look at yourself —really look at yourself —deep into your eyes as if you’re admiring a beautiful work of art. When you’ve connected with yourself, say, ‘I see you’. And keep saying it until it registers, until you feel it deep in your heart and you truly believe it. You’re worthy.
Edited extract from Energised: The Daily Practice of Connected Leadership and Sustainable Wellbeing (Wiley $32.95) by Tim Jack Adams.
Tim Jack Adams
