By Johan Depraetere
Letting people go can be the toughest conversation we have to make. Here, Johan Depraetere reveals how to ensure these conversations are handled with grace.
As a leader, having difficult conversation is part of the job description – whether it’s firing someone, addressing underperformance, resolving conflict, or breaking bad news to stakeholders. But as humans, we tend to put them off to avoid the discomfort, or let our nerves get the better of us.
Let’s take a closer look at three ways leaders can make those conversations more successful.
Choose openness over control
It is the summer of 2000 in hot and humid Manhattan. I am thirty-two years old, and I have not fired anyone in my life. This is about to change, and I feel sick to my stomach. How can I possibly tell Victor that we need to part ways? We hired the wrong person for the role. And this is the moment I must face that decision head-on.
Despite the dread I feel before the meeting, I know I have no other choice. This is my company, and I have to be bold to protect its future. I wonder if I will be able to look him in the eye.
As Victor enters the meeting room and tentatively sits down, I wonder if he suspects this is the end of his time at the company. As I start speaking, my nerves become apparent, and my voice trembles and shakes. I can feel the tension in the air. His face shows a mix of emotions: surprise, anger, frustration, disappointment and eventually, acceptance.
You can attend hundreds of management courses and read thousands of leadership books, but humans are complex, unique and often irrational beings. Their behaviour doesn’t always adhere to a set of rules. When it comes to having difficult conversations at work, you can prepare as much as you like, but you simply cannot know how the other person will respond until you’re in the moment.
This is where letting go of control and choosing openness is key. You cannot control how the other person will react, but you can approach the conversation with an open mind. Can you imagine yourself in their position? Be willing to be vulnerable rather than pressuring yourself to orchestrate the perfect scenario. This mindset shift will help you navigate their response more empathetically.
Make them human-centric
It is very easy to get carried away with the relentless focus on performance and forget the
importance of human relationships within organisations. It is often a real challenge to integrate both effectively. Although I was good enough as a leader, I realised that I could have been better if I had been more aware of my blind spots and approached my conversation with Victor in a more human-centric way – putting myself in his shoes.
This requires working on your emotional intelligence, especially your listening and coaching skills. Actively listen to the other person’s experience, provide evidence-supported feedback, and do it in a transparent, fair and professional manner. In these moments, prioritise our human interconnectedness and the need for mutual care. Aim to leave on a positive note – however difficult the topic of conversation.
Bite the bullet
I remember a conversation I had with a dear friend and former colleague at McKinsey, Diane, where we discussed the importance of the killer instinct in building a successful business. For me, killer instinct meant a ruthlessness and intense competitive drive to succeed as an individual and as an organisation. If pushed too far or in the wrong direction, it can easily turn into narcissism. But it remains an essential part of making the toughest business decisions.
The ability to face difficult conversations head-on is an essential ingredient of that killer instinct. So, don’t delay – just bite the bullet. Doubt and uncertainty can creep in and trap you in inaction. Tap into that killer instinct instead and choose courage over comfort. Even if the outcome of the conversation is tough on the other person, they will appreciate the proactive and honest approach, and your long-term relationship will be all the better for it.
Conclusion
Looking back on the whole experience of letting someone go for the first time, I can now clearly see my naivety and immaturity. Becoming the CEO of a start-up sounds great on paper, but it introduced me to a new type of human relationship. Suddenly, I was responsible for other people’s jobs and careers, and I had the power and authority to change the paths of their lives. The question this raised for me was how to balance or align the company’s interests with those of each individual, and how to address significant discrepancies that emerge.
Learning how to strike this balance between company and workforce – and handle the often-tricky conversations that arise as a result – is vital for successful leadership. By choosing openness over control, adopting a human-centric approach, and being proactive by biting the bullet, you can enter those conversations with more confidence and leave them with lessons learned, rather than doubt and guilt. Because growth comes at the edges of our comfort zones, not in the middle of them.
Johan Depraetere
