By Ravi Rajani
This article helps leaders redefine their definition of charisma, whilst unveiling a specific framework to help others feel significant in your presence. The outcome? Sparking connection, intimacy and building trusted relationships with your team, customers and more.
Growing up, I had charisma horribly wrong. I thought it was about showcasing what one would label “extroverted” character traits and receiving attention, accolades, and awards. Whilst I honour my younger self for doing the best he could with the consciousness he had, I’m thankful that my definition of charisma has evolved.
Today, I define charisma as an innate superpower, which everybody possesses, that helps others feel significant in your presence, in turn, increasing your capacity for influence. Here’s my truth: you don’t become charismatic because you were already born charismatic. Every single one of us has this innate superpower; we just need to unearth it. For some, their comfort with silence and ability to create the space for a meaningful conversation might be their vehicle for charisma. For others, it could be their ability to share vulnerable stories that give people permission to be themselves. You get the picture, right? Charisma looks different on different people, and that’s the beauty of it.
Here’s the million-dollar question: as a leader, how do you make others feel like they matter when they’re around you without feeling contrived, inauthentic or overly engineered? Whilst there are several paths at your disposal, I’d like to introduce you to the art of giving meaningful compliments that matter.
I believe everybody has a genius. Is it your team member’s flair for articulating complex ideas in a simple manner? Is it your direct reports’ ability to code their way out of a paper bag? Or maybe it’s your new recruit’s depth of empathy that helps them connect with others in a profound way. The list goes on. The question is, when was the last time you truly made somebody in your team feel seen for their genius? According to Professor Norihiro Sadato, the study lead and professor at the National Institute for Physiological Sciences in Japan, when we receive a compliment, it activates the same part of our brain (the striatum) that lights up when we receive a financial reward. Not only does giving a meaningful compliment build trust, loyalty and inspire somebody to own their genius; it makes you memorable too.
In my own career, when mentors, teammates and peers have recognized me for my gifts and saw me for who I truly am, without trying to change me, it made me want to run through a brick wall for them. It also inspired me to own my uniqueness and ensure I don’t “dim my light” in a society obsessed with telling you to color between the lines. But, how does one give a genuine compliment without being superficial?
Picture this. You’ve just walked out of a client pitch with your Head of Partnerships, Jamie Picker. You enjoyed their presentation so much that you offer a compliment. Here’s what comes out of your mouth: “Hey, Jamie, incredible presentation!” Full stop. That’s it. Harmless? Maybe. However this is a surface-level compliment that lacks depth and intentionality. In essence, your compliment lacked three things: authenticity, specificity, and impact. Enter my ASI Framework.
- “A” stands for authenticity, meaning lead with a genuinely positive observation.
- “S” stands for specificity, meaning quit being generic.
- “I” stand for impact, where you acknowledge how this moment personally affected you.
During Jamie’s presentation, he shared a vulnerable story that deeply resonated with your potential customer. It sparked an emotion, shifted their perspective, and inspired you to use more storytelling in your own pitches, conversations and presentations. So, what might a genuine compliment look like that encapsulates these sentiments?
“Hey Jamie, that was one of the most impactful client pitches I’ve ever heard you deliver. That story you shared in the first few minutes about struggling with diabetes your entire life was extremely eye-opening, and the way you tied the core message back to the fitness tracker we sell was masterful. Your approach has inspired me to use more storytelling in my own presentations. Thank you for that.”
See the difference between the two approaches? “Incredible presentation” is a throwaway comment. Not just because it’s absent of the ingredients within the ASI Framework, but because it’s missing intimacy. There’s zero proximity between you and what you thought about Jamie’s pitch, or the impact they had on you through their presentation. By using the word “I” (as in “one of the most impactful client pitches I’ve ever heard you deliver”) and attaching the compliment to you directly, it increases its potency, level of warmth and reduces the connection gap.
When you do this with positive intention, from a mindset of abundance and focus on quality compliments over quantity, you’ll become the type of leader who others want to follow. The end result? Someone who’s able to cultivate authentic relationships, increase employee engagement and create a high-trust culture.
Note: Adapted excerpt from Relationship Currency: Five Communication Habits For Limitless Influence and Business Success by Ravi Rajani.
Ravi Rajani
