By Jordana Borensztajn
We spend so much time thinking about what we’re going to say in meetings – the perfect opening, the smartest retort, the most strategic message – that we forget something crucial: Before you’ve even opened your mouth, your body has told the room a story.
Princeton psychologists Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov found that people form first impressions in just 100 milliseconds from looking at a face – judging traits like trustworthiness, competence, and likability. Those snap judgments come entirely from non-verbal cues. So if there’s contrast between what you say and how you say it, people will believe your body, not your words. I learnt this the hard way at Facebook’s headquarters.
I had flown from Melbourne to Silicon Valley on a comedic mission: find Mark Zuckerberg and try to make him laugh with my five best minutes of Facebook jokes. To stand out, I showed up in a giant Like button costume. Spoiler alert: I didn’t find Mark. But after standing outside the iconic sign waving at everyone who drove in, I came close to getting a tour of their HQ. I signed in at reception, and security handed me a pass. Then the communications guy looked me straight in the eye and asked: “Were you outside Mark’s house last night?” My heart slammed against my ribs. Adrenaline flooded my system. My neck burned red-hot. My voice shot up three octaves as I stammered, “No… I have no idea where he lives.” I was telling the truth. But I was still escorted off the property. Why? Because every part of my body was screaming “I’m guilty” – even though I wasn’t.
The silent story your body tells
Your body speaks louder than words: how you enter a room, how you carry yourself, your posture, eye contact, facial expressions, shoulder position… When any of these contradict your message, your message won’t land. At Facebook’s HQ, my words said “innocent” but my body said “guilty”. And my body was louder. Here are five ways your body might be undermining your credibility without you realising it.
1. The contradiction of saying one thing but showing another
Saying “I’m open to feedback” while your arms are firmly crossed. Pitching an uplifting proposal while your shoulders hunch inwards. Claiming you’re fully engaged while your feet point towards the door. When your body contradicts your words, people instantly feel the disconnect.
2. Fidgeting – the giveaway in plain sight
Picking at your nails. Fiddling with your watch. Tapping your pen. Twisting your rings. If your hands are restless, attention shifts to the fidgeting. These small movements scream insecurity and detract from your message.
3. Avoiding eye contact
Looking down at your notes… Scanning the room with a vacant gaze… Glancing past the people you need to connect with. Eye contact is the foundation of trust. Without it, even the strongest message feels distant.
4. The monotone trap
Your voice is one of your most powerful tools. When you vary your tone, pitch, and pacing, it changes how your message is heard. When you speak with warmth or passion, people feel it. But when your vocal expression doesn’t match your message, the disconnect is instant. If you say “I’m really excited about this idea” with the enthusiasm of reading a shopping list, nobody believes you.
5. Zero physical expression
We have more than 40 muscles in our face and endless ways to bring our words to life through expressions and gestures. When you share something positive while your face and body stay completely still, your lack of energy creates a lack of interest. That kills credibility fast.
The power of alignment
At Facebook, I wasn’t grounded. I was telling the truth, but my body was telling another story entirely. In high-stakes moments, that disconnect reads as discomfort at best … and deception at worst. The answer is complete congruence. When your words, body, facial expressions, tone, energy and intention all align, people can feel it. And they believe it.
Own your presence
- Centre yourself before a meeting. Take a moment to ground yourself so you can be fully present.
- Use your hands. Gestures bring ideas to life.
- Make meaningful eye contact. Don’t scan the room; truly connect.
- Don’t just stare at your slides. Always talk to people, not the screen.
- Match your energy to your message. Monotone excitement… isn’t excitement.
- Slow down. It helps you manage your nerves and gives your words more weight and power.
I’ll never know whether I could have met Mark Zuckerberg if my body had matched my words. But I learnt that your body always tells a story. Credibility isn’t just about having the right words; it’s about embodying them. When every part of you aligns, people don’t question whether to trust you. They just do.
Jordana Borensztajn
